By Rabbi Eli Gewirtz
This article originally appeared in Yated Neeman, Monsey NY. and is reprinted here with their permission
With a penetrating cry and the words "ovee ovee," my father my father, Reb Aron Pam Shlit'a began his brief comments at the levayah for his father-our father-Moreinu v'Rabeinu Rav Avrohom Pam zt"l. As the speech proceeded, we were informed that there would be no hespedim. The Rosh Hayeshiva had made it clear-more than 20 years earlier, and repeated it several times since-there was to be absolutely no hespedim at his levayah.
I felt cheated. Shomayim obviously didn't need speeches or reminders about the Rosh Hayeshiva's life. But couldn't we benefit from the hisorerus of the hespedim? Did we all fully grasp the loss to klal yisroel?
I then realized that the Rosh Hayeshiva's insistence on not having any hespedim was in itself the greatest hesped possible.
I was but one of the many thousands that understood what Reb Aron Pam meant by "ovee ovee." Rav Pam, zt"l was a father not just to his immediate family but to much of klal Yisroel. Those who had the z'chus to know him had a glimpse into the meaning of a gadol b'Yisroel-and the meaning of a father. The Rosh Hayeshiva wasn't just a thoroughly righteous person; he deeply cared about all of k'lal yisroel. And he was directly involved in the day-to-day operation of hundreds of mosdos and in the lives of thousands of individuals-all in the most discreet, modest fashion. If you didn't pinch yourself from time to time it was possible to forget that you were in the presence of a gadol b'yisroel.
In the peak of his illness, often the day after he returned home from the hospital, the Rosh Hayeshiva made time for people to pour their hearts out to him, to speak to him about their mosad, and to give shiurim to his talmidim. Few, if any, of the many thousands at the levayah didn't directly benefit from his gentle guidance and assistance. What greater way could there be to remember the Rosh Hayeshiva's unassuming greatness than being jolted by the lack of a hesped?
Although I was not privileged to be a talmid, I had the personal z'chus of being guided by the Rosh Hayeshiva for the past 18 years. After a brief stint in chinuch, I was offered a job as an outreach Rabbi in a completely non-observant community. With almost no experience in the field of outreach, I was reluctant to accept the position. The Rosh Hayeshiva however strongly encouraged me to take the job and move with my family to the community. (He also provided 100% of the material for my first sermon!) Throughout my years in that community and in my subsequent work with Partners in Torah, I frequently spoke with the Rosh Hayeshiva. He literally cried with tears of joy at hearing some of the stories of Baalei Teshuva and the mesiras nefesh they had in becoming shomer Torah u'mitzvos.
The Rosh Hayeshiva also provided clear guidance on some of the most complex issues. I was once asked to be mesader kiddushin at a wedding where I was confident that the couple would never become frum. When I posed it as a she'aila, the Rosh Hayeshiva asked how I could even say that they wouldn't become frumÉ"Your job is to make the hishtadlus, the rest is up to Hashem." After providing certain guidelines, I was advised to be mesader kiddushin. The rest of the story should be obvious. The couple eventually became completely shomer Torah u'mitzvos, with each of their 3 children attending an Orthodox day school.
More recently, the Rosh Hayeshiva embarked on a personal mission to get more volunteers for Partners in Torah. He was overjoyed that there are over 2,500 volunteers actively involved in kiruv. But he felt this was not enough-especially because there were constantly new "seekers", but not enough volunteer teachers to service them. He believed that Roshei Yeshiva were the best vehicle for getting the message out to the olam haTorah, and took it upon himself to establish a Vaad Roshei Yeshiva for Partners in Torah. He personally invited Rav Yitzchak Feigelstock (Long Beach), Rav Avrohom Chaim Levin (Telshe, Chicago) and Rav Yaakov Horowitz (Beis Meir, Brooklyn) to serve on this Vaad.
The Vaad's inaugural meeting took place in the Rosh Hayeshiva's home. After a two-hour discussion, where she'aila were answered, policies established, and guidelines developed for addressing future issues, the Rosh Hayeshiva focused the Vaad's attention on the pressing issue of volunteer recruitment. We were urged by the Rosh Hayeshiva to organize an asifa for b' nei Torah to launch a campaign for volunteer recruitment. At a subsequent meeting before Pesach this year, the Rosh Hayeshiva, despite his failing health, expressed his desire "to say a few words at the asifa", something he said would only be possible if it were scheduled before Elul. (The Rosh Hayeshiva apparently knew that he would be in the mesivta d'rakiyah in time for Elul.) We selected Thursday evening, August 16th, the 28th of Av, as the date for the asifa. As it turned out, the asifa needed to be rescheduled. Shomayim evidently had planned another asifa for the 28th of Av-the levayah of the Rosh Hayeshiva-where his son Reb Aron instead spoke the "few words".
The "few words" at the levayah were expressions of hakaras hatov-to the talmidim, to the doctors, to the Hatzoloh members and, most importantly, to Rebbetzin Pam, shetichyeh-who tended to the Rosh Hayeshiva's every need and who was the epitome of an ezer k'negdo.
For the past several years, the Rebbetzin had the impossible task of striking a balance between allowing access to the Rosh Hayeshiva, while ensuring that he wasn't overtaxed. And an impossible task it was. I recall the privilege of sitting in the dining room together with the Rosh Hayeshiva, several years ago at a Torah Umesorah convention where streams of mechanchim came over for chizuk and answers to their pressing questions. The Rosh Hayeshiva was already frail back then but nevertheless stood up for each and every mechanech. As much as the Rosh Hayeshiva wanted to give each person ample time for discussion, the Rebbetzin had to look out for his health and ensure that he had time to eat. Risking the possibility of some people feeling deprived, the Rebbetzin knew that the Rosh Hayeshiva had to have the strength for these same mechanchim later on. The Rebbitzen's selfless dedication and mesiras nefesh was ultimately appreciated by everyone as it helped the Rosh Hayeshiva continue being a manhig yisroel for many, many years.
I went to see the Rosh Hayeshiva last Wednesday and stood at his bedside, holding his warm hands for the very last time. I told him about my daughter becoming a kallah and about our revised plans for the asifa. This time it was I who shed the tears. There was absolutely no response. The Rosh Hayeshiva was preoccupied-preparing for his journey to the olam ha'emes.